Mommy guilt

I am a yeller.

I have a short temper.

I have no patience.

And as much as I know this and as much as every day when I wake up and tell myself I am going to stop and change, I always fail.

I read this article the other day and it brought me to tears because I don't want Aiden to fear me, I dont want him to fear making mistakes or to be to scared to come to me when he has done something wrong.

I yell over spilt milk, if he wiggles to much when I change his nappy, when he splashes and makes the whole bathroom wet. I yell at him for basically just being a kid.

And I hate myself for it.

I knew when I fell pregnant it would be something I struggled with, I have always been a perfectionist,  I have always liked things to be done right and in a certain way but I forget that this is a child learning, exploring and finding his feet in the world and I am hindering him from doing it.

I am not talking about discipline, he needs that, I know when he is naughty and I loose my cool it's understandable but I am talking about messing yogurt or taking his shoes off right after I have put them on.

The guilt consumes me and I feel like the worst mother alive. I see how my family look at me and they have told me before to calm down, my mother has even removed Aiden from my presence so that I cam calm down and Aiden can too.

I am creating the monster who yells back at me, I created the tantrums and the screaming when he is not being heard.

I am creating a yeller by being one.

Love from Bear