Dear Mommy

You seriously are the best (even when we screaming at each other)

You raised us to be our own person, you pushed us to be unique even if that meant screwing up, you never asked us to be any one but ourselves.

You not a nagging mother, you always gave us our freedom to do what we want and with whim we want, you probably wish you saw us less instead of always moaning about never seeing you like other moms.

You have never once stopped helping us even as adults, supporting, encouraging, building up our dreams, being a shoulder to cry on, helping me raise my little runt and pushing us to be the best we can be, nothing more, nothing less, just the best us.

You raised us with high morals and good manners. You instilled generousity, compassion and sympathy in our hearts by the way you live your life.

You never stop loving us no matter what terrible deed we've done,  how badly we mess up and even when we not so nice to you, your love is always unconditional and always felt.

I hope I can be half the mother you are to Aiden. You are my role model, my friend and my rock.

Love you to the moon and back.

Happy Mothers Day
XXX

What it means to me

It is Mothers Day on Sunday and every year since I fell pregnant I kind of hide away from the day, it makes me sad, it brings up guilt, the past shows it's shiny face and I spend a lot of time crying.

You would think I would leave that for Fathers Day but then I just spoil Aiden rotten.

Mothers Day makes me sad because it reminds me of the situation Aiden has been born into, one I never dreamed of as a little girl having for her life. It reminds me how I failed, myself and my son, how I didn't get it right.

It brings so much guilt I feel nauseous, because as a mother I am supposed to protect and I never got the chance or the choice to do so.

The past comes knocking and all the emotions I felt back when I first fell pregnant and the first year, it all comes back and floods me and overwhelms me and I sit and wonder what I could have done differently. What could I have done to save the situation, fix it all for my son's sake.

And to top it off it makes me feel alone, that single mom feeling never quite leaves. Mothers Day is a reminder of that, that this is my 3rd one, 3 years I have survived doing this on my own.

I wish every mother, no matter what her situation a Happy Mothers Day, that she will stand tall and feel proud of what she has accomplished. Feel loved and needed and appreciated and that someone, anyone takes out the time to make her feel that way and if no one is there to do so, go buy yourself those flowers or bubble bath because you deserve it!