It is Mothers Day on Sunday and every year since I fell pregnant I kind of hide away from the day, it makes me sad, it brings up guilt, the past shows it's shiny face and I spend a lot of time crying.
You would think I would leave that for Fathers Day but then I just spoil Aiden rotten.
Mothers Day makes me sad because it reminds me of the situation Aiden has been born into, one I never dreamed of as a little girl having for her life. It reminds me how I failed, myself and my son, how I didn't get it right.
It brings so much guilt I feel nauseous, because as a mother I am supposed to protect and I never got the chance or the choice to do so.
The past comes knocking and all the emotions I felt back when I first fell pregnant and the first year, it all comes back and floods me and overwhelms me and I sit and wonder what I could have done differently. What could I have done to save the situation, fix it all for my son's sake.
And to top it off it makes me feel alone, that single mom feeling never quite leaves. Mothers Day is a reminder of that, that this is my 3rd one, 3 years I have survived doing this on my own.
I wish every mother, no matter what her situation a Happy Mothers Day, that she will stand tall and feel proud of what she has accomplished. Feel loved and needed and appreciated and that someone, anyone takes out the time to make her feel that way and if no one is there to do so, go buy yourself those flowers or bubble bath because you deserve it!
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